جمعه ۱۹ شهریور ۱۳۸۹ ه‍.ش.

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Girls, be honest here...

Unfortunately, men are not the only ones who make mistakes during sex. When our sex lives become a yawn and the latest issue of Cosmopolitan is more appealing than your man's concerted efforts to try and make your world move for you, then it's very easy to point a finger, play the Blame Game and put the blame completely on the man. You haul out your little sex crimes manual you keep under your mattress and triumphantly point to one and say, "See! I told you it's all your fault. You just ain't up to the mark and capable of making my world rock anymore." The bad news is, it takes two to tango, and your man friend is probably not the only one making mistakes. You're probably making your fair share of bedroom errors yourself. So girl, let's be honest here, which sex crime are you guilty of?
Sex Crime number one: Passive resistance
Why is it that women always believe that the man is the hunter and they are the prey and the man has to always make the first move? Like, sex is some kind of a caveman ritual, where when the man wants some, he enters your cave, and drags you to his cave by your hair and then procedes to use your body like a trampoline. Seriously, ladies, men will probably be delighted if you initiate sex and make the first move. Most of them dream about a woman coming onto them, but for many women, the chains of sexual traditions past are holding them back. It's expected that the man will make the first move. You might wait weeks with your hormones pumping, keeping your knees tightly shut as you fight for control of your body, waiting patiently for the man whose bones you want to jump plucks up the courage to make the move. My advice, don't wait. If you want it, ask for it. Show your interest by taking the first step on some occasions. It might spice up a dull sex life.
Sex Crime number two: Worrying about whether your false eyelashes will fall off
So many women are concerned about what they look like during sex, that they forget they are supposed to be enjoying it. Focusing on trying to get your face to look like Debbie's in Debbie does Dallas, or like Angelina Jolie's in one of her orgasmic movie moments, will make you lose your focus on what you're actually supposed to be doing. Men don't care if your bum wobbles during sex, or about those cute little cellulite dimples on your thighs, or even if gravity has won and your boobs have dropped down to your belly button. Men just want to know that you are enjoying yourself, having fun and are enthusiastic. Enthusiasm is contagious and might even excite your reluctant lover.
Sex Crime number 3: Laughing at his dried floral arrangement
Men have this thing about their little thing. They get self-conscious if someone makes fun of it. Even if his one-eyed trouser snake is the most peculiar one you've ever laid eyes on, don't giggle, laugh or give a sly smile. He will take it personally which could cause acute hydraulic failure of his dried floral arrangement, causing it to dry up permanently. And, don't ask, "Is it in yet?" That is tantamount to saying that he has such a small one you can't feel it inside you.
Sex Crime number 4: Assuming men are not romantic
Many women are under the misguided impression that men are incapable of being romantic. The best love poetry penned by romantic poets have come from men. They do have a soft and sensitive side, and do keep little momentoes to remember romantic moments. If your man shows his romantic side, do not mock him or mention the romantic moment in front of his football friends. Keep it as your special saucy sexy secret.
Sex Crime number 5: Assuming that a man always wants sex
Okay, this is what women believe because this is how men have painted themselves. Ever Ready Freddy. Well you know, this is a fallacy, because men do suffer from falling libido when they are under stress or tired. Sometimes, they are just not in the mood, especially when they are engrossed in a great football game on the telly. The mistake women make, is by taking a man's failure to rise to the occasion personally. Like, they can't get it up because they no longer love you. Love has nothing to do with it. Sex and love is not the same thing. Sometimes, men just don't feel like performing, they'd rather go and sleep, and it's nothing to do with the extra roll that suddenly appeared from nowhere on your belly.
Sex Crime number 6: Assuming men are knowledgeable about sex
Just because a man is a man doesn't make him a sexpert. If you never tell him you hate it when he picks his nose during sex, then he'll never know to stop it. Communication is the key behind every successful sexual encounter. Talk to him about sex, what you like and don't like. Guide him, direct him, it won't just come to him through osmosis or he won't instinctively just know. Everybody is different. What his other girlfriend likes you might hate, and if you don't explicitly remind him, he might forget what it was that you liked when he gets you confused with one of his other girlfriends.
Sex Crime number 7: Being scared to explore new territory
Variety is the spice of life and when you've been together with your sexual partner for a while, there are times when your man wants you to try out something new he heard about in the locker room shows, the bathroom in KFC or saw on the telly. Many women make the mistake of taking this personally, thinking that your man is only suggesting a new innovative approach to sex because you no longer satisfy him. This is not true. Of course, if what he suggests is detrimental to your health like covering you in cream when you are lactose intolerant, or is against your morals, then communicate. Tell him what you feel and why.
Sex Crime number 8: Letting Mommy into your bed
So you've spent all day cleaning up food thrown against the walls by your toddler. Don't take the memories of a typical Mommy Day to bed with you, otherwise you'll not be feeling in the mood for sex. Have a hot shower, change out of your Mommy trackpants and slip into sexy lingerie. A big mistake many mommies make, is going to bed in their comfortable mommy clothes, old stretched trackpants and old faded sweatshirts and old hockey socks with a hole in the toe. That get-up is a sure passion-killer.
Sex Crime number 9: Lying still and thinking of England
Some women seem to think that sex is only enjoyable for a man, and they just have to lie there, stare unresponsively at the ceiling, while their poor man pounds away trying desperately to get some reaction. Necrophilia is not to be encouraged, and lying there like a dead body is a big turn-off for a man. Don't look on sex as a duty you have to bravely endure. Rather, view sex with enthusiasm, gyrate those hips, wiggle that ass and make some noise!
Sex Crime number 10: Fear of Fellatio
Fellatio is not something that only happens in porno movies, or something that hookers do in the back seats of cars down dark alleys. Oral sex is an important part of the whole sexual experience and can be extremely enjoyable and pleasurable for all concerned. If the thought of going down to the nether regions nauseates you, close your eyes, imagine you are on a beautiful beach in Venezuela eating an ice-cream. Do not make the mistake of getting too excited and gagging as no man enjoys having his best friend puked upon, or using excessive use of the teeth. This particular part of a man's anatomy is quite sensitive so taking a bite might cause bleeding and instant hydraulic failure.
Sex Crime number 11: Making him responsible for your orgasm
Get over it. His job isn't just to make you reach climax, don't be so selfish. If you know what you like and need to achieve orgasm and tell him. He's probably not a mind-reader.
Sex Crime number 12: Unshaved legs
Don't expect him to always be clean-shaved when hopping into bed so that you avoid stubble-burn, when your legs have sharp prickly dreadlocks that graze the skin off his shins. Shave, and trim that powder puff so that when he goes down there he doesn't think he's trying to hack his way through the Amazon Jungle!
Sex Crime number 13: Falling asleep in his arms is a sign he loves you
After sex, women like to chat and snuggle and huggle and cuddle. After sex men like to roll over and sleep. I think it's a biological thing so stop trying to fight it, just go with the flow. And what's this about falling asleep in his arms. You lay your head on your arm for a while and see what it feels like. You get pins and needles, right? Your arm goes to sleep and it's pretty uncomfortable. So, don't think he doesn't love you because he doesn't want to fall asleep with you in his arms. Don't take it personally. He doesn't want you on his chest because he can't breathe.
Sex Crime number 14: Scared of getting undressed in front of him
Unless you are wearing your granny panties or have unsightly stains or holes in them, then don't even consider getting undressed in the dark and diving into bed and hiding under the covers. A man wants to check out your pound of flesh, feast his eyes on your beauty, so don't kill that simple pleasure for him. Don't expect him to undress you either, while it can be romantic, men aren't as adept with bras as we are.
Sex Crime number 15: Forgetting he is more than just a penis
Often we are so concerned with foreplay and how men touch us, that we forget they might also like to be touched, in places other than that little sticky out thing of theirs. Stroke his back, tickle his bum, draw on his legs, and of course, do not forget or neglect his balls. Play with them, stroke them, lick them, suck on them and bounce them together. Get to know them like you know your friends.
Sex Crime number 16: Referring to sex as making love
Making love is cooking bacon and eggs for breakfast and serving it to you on a tray in bed. Don't try and romanticize sex by calling it 'making love.' The only thing you are making is funny faces and strange noises, and if you forget to use a condom - a baby. You are naked in a bed or wherever with another person. It's sex for goodness sake. Geez, get over it!
Sex Crime number 17: Faking an orgasm
Forget about Meg Ryan in her most famous acting moment in When Harry met Sally. If you're not having an orgasm, don't fake it. Who are you trying to kid, seriously? And who benefits from a faked orgasm? Not you surely, because that poor bastard will be taken in and think that what ever he was doing was wonderful when it wasn't. So, faking an orgasm is cutting off your nose to spite your face.
Sex Crime number 18: Forgetting to wash
Unless it was a spontaneous moment on a hood of the car parked at the picnic spot on the side of the highway, don't forget to wash down there before sex, especially if you enjoy a bit of the old cunning linguistics. During the day, women do sweat down there and by night time it can start smelling like the fish market in Busan in south Korea, which happens to be the largest fish market in the world.
Sex Crime number 19: Being overly-hygenic
For a guy there must be nothing that kills a great sexual encounter more, than when a women leaves him alone basking in his afterglow, while she rushes off to the bathroom to scrub her puff and then nips to the linen cupboard to change the sheets, throwing Romeo who is trying desperately to snooze, out of the bed. Leave all that cleaning up to after he's gone, or shower together.
Sex Crime number 20: Letting happy noises inhibit you
Sex is a noisy affair and there are certain times when if someone presses against your bowel, you might accidentally let a little gust of wind escape. On other occasions, you might suck in some wind making strange squelchy noises during the middle of coitus. Laugh together or just ignore your happy noises. Do not start crying, apologizing, or run from the room screaming and lock yourself in the bathroom.
As you can see, women are capable of making more mistakes during sex than men, so for those men who felt offended that I was only knocking men and making fun of them in my hub Common mistakes men make during sex - this hub is dedicated to you! 
My hub Common mistakes men make during sex is no longer visible on here as men found it too hard to handle, so if you go to my relationship blog, you'll be able to read up about men's sex mistakes there!

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